On his 4th death day

Memory is all we are... 
by Kara LC Jones (excerpt from forthcoming "In A Body" collection from KotaPress)

Memory is all we are.

Let it go

and we are       nothing.

I do not want to know you would have turned 4 years old this year.

I do not want to remember where we buried you.

I do not want to remember coming to in fuzzy vision, 

your father bent over me, calling my name, asking me to stay with him.

I do not want to remember the amount of blood

unless it were memory spilling out of me      emptying

til there is       nothing.

Memory is all we are.

Let it go

and we are     nothing.

one of those increments of five

...and at 15 years out, I'm not sure why I'm still here writing. But to mark the day you would have turned 15, Kota, I'll just offer this:

Thank you for teaching me not to cling to living children and motherhood.
Thank you for teaching me not to cling to dead children and grief.
Thank you for teaching me that clinging is just another delusion of the human experience.
Thank you for letting go of me, so that I could let go of you.
Now to just practice letting go of everything.