Monday, December 14, 2009


Kota, it seems I hardly ever write anymore. But with the holidaze in full gear just now, I woke up today and realized I miss you so very much. Seeing the lanky, swift growing 11 year olds makes me realize, I have no idea who you would be. It feels very lonely to realize that. 

At the same time, I'm having the most odd experiences recently. Beauty seems to steal me. A colorful painting, a stunning landscape in crisp air, holiday lights, the harsh streams of winter sun. I get lost seeing them. Your father is talking and turns and I'm 1,000 steps behind, having fallen into some pool of beauty or another. 

I often wish to live in that pool. I don't like coming back out of it to start walking again. It feels like you are there. 

I miss you much. 
Sending you love for the holidaze. 

Thursday, May 14, 2009


Wow. Hi Sweetie. I can't believe it's been a decade now. I miss you so much. Have kept trying to log on here and write to you since your birthday two months ago, but the account was lost. Then found. Then log on changed. Then I lost my computer and all work from the past 20 years. And whew... Just landing here now to say, wow. I can't believe you are 10 years old already. 

Nanna-Memoo got a Mothers Day present for me that she felt sure you'd have picked out for me. I think it is exactly what my 10 year old boy would have chosen if you were here. I love it. I wear it everyday. Thank you. Your Nanna-Memoo is the best grandma, isn't she?  

Your Daddy and I are doing okay. We miss you tons. We still have up and down days. But mostly we've decided that this decade needs to be even more conscious. We treasure every moment because we know how few there really are in this human experience of life. We keenly feel the rapid passing of linear time. I hope we keep doing things you would be proud of, but really, the bigger point is that I hope we are BEings you'd love. We treasure what you taught us: to be consciously together, to be good to one another, to BE BE BE! 

Are you okay where you are? I hope so. My heart feels Unkie and Papaji must be with you in some way, so it has to be okay. But I miss you everyday. 

Please know that we both love you. We value all the compassion you instilled in us. Please look over all the new little ones who are crossing over to where you are, Ezra, Levi, Amber Lee, Lucia, and all the others...thank you.