It's probably so silly as you kids would be grown / growing up so fast now that it is 2023! How did it get to be 2023 already?!? Been thinking of all of you a lot as Kota's day is coming up this weekend. I'm still glad to this day that none of you stayed here as here is just hell. I'm grateful you didn't have to survive this hellscape. But oh I miss being with you. Miss the future memories I had the audacity to have before my naivety was exploded. Miss the fact that I would never have been able to give you the gems in your childhoods that Mimi and Unkie and Memoo gave me in mine.
As we continue to endure pandemic years here, I watch your sister's kids, your nieces and nephews, in this world and am so proud of your sister for how good a mom she is to them. They face realities I never thought I'd see. I'm so glad you didn't have to see those realities either. But I ache for those who are here trying to survive it all without even really understanding the complexities of unresolved grief and trauma we're all enduring now, that will inevitably be generational.
Wonder so often if there is an "over there" there? And what, if anything you all see from "there"? And what you would have to say to us about your perspectives? Are you three able to be together? Do you see Mimi and Unkie ever? Do you feel how much we miss you?
Dad's had a rough go of it these pandemic years. I'm grateful every single day he is still here with me and I am still here with him. I think we both stay only for each other and otherwise are both like UGH this dumpster fire world is soooo disillusioning. But I'm so relieved that he's made it thru multiple health challenges, especially that is no longer in every single day excruciating pain. I suspect he's is much like me in the chronic pain though but we've both learned to live with a certain level of it every single day that is just isn't excruciating.
I miss each of you. Was re-reading that entry of a dream when, Zuzu, you shared that joke you made up. Soooo wish we had more dreamtime together. Either it is that dreamland is so rarely remembered upon waking or it just isn't a visit that happens often. Would love to hear how the jokes have evolved over time. :)
Anyway, just wanted to say Happy and Love to each of you for your days for this year. This unbelievably, impossibly here year of 2023. Streaming hugs to each of you.
xo
Mom
