OMG, I MISS YOU.

Kota, it seems I hardly ever write anymore. But with the holidaze in full gear just now, I woke up today and realized I miss you so very much. Seeing the lanky, swift growing 11 year olds makes me realize, I have no idea who you would be. It feels very lonely to realize that. 

At the same time, I'm having the most odd experiences recently. Beauty seems to steal me. A colorful painting, a stunning landscape in crisp air, holiday lights, the harsh streams of winter sun. I get lost seeing them. Your father is talking and turns and I'm 1,000 steps behind, having fallen into some pool of beauty or another. 

I often wish to live in that pool. I don't like coming back out of it to start walking again. It feels like you are there. 

I miss you much. 
Sending you love for the holidaze. 
xo 
Mom