JUST WANTING TO CHAT WITH YOU, KOTA...

Hi Honey... 

Thinking about you a lot tonight. Daddy, your brother Peter, and I were sitting for hours tonight just chatting about everything and anything. When we were done, I got online and made the mistake of reading the news where, of course, there were numerous stories about senseless deaths of children. My heart began to ache for those families. For the cruelty of this physical manifestation of a world. For how much every parent aches when a child is physically gone. And then, of course, I began to miss you and think about how you would have been in our hours of chatting this evening. 

Would you have chimed in with your own chatting? Would you have been bored? Would you have fallen asleep with your head in my lap while we hummed on in conversation? I have no idea who you would be by now. My gawd, I miss you. 

At the same time, I think to myself, "And yet, Kara, he was here, he is here, he is all over your experiences of life." You often come into my awareness as a sprite'ling of energy, an unmaterialized being, a guardian angel near by. 

When I was out walking today, there were almost no cars the whole time, very few people I could hear, and the trees are still thick evergreen and everything hung with the quiet layer of moss, crisp, moist air all around, a bright grey and amazing smell of winter. For the most part, I was totally alone. Silence except the birds and cows. The water of the Sound stirring off in the distance and a few sea gulls screeching. 

I stopped in the middle of the lane. Looked up the road and down. Realized that this world is magical. Something I dreamed of many years before discovering it. And as I looked around, trying to be as conscious and grateful as possible, I felt like I did as a kid playing my imaginary friends. Beings all around me, protecting, playing, lively. And I felt your little sprite'ling being. Could see you playing up and down as we walked. Pointing out the last flowers trailing on by a thread on the berry bushes. Getting excited about the horses in the stables as we wondered by. You and I. Almost two hours, walking together. 

Well, anyway, I just wanted to say thank you. Thanks for walking along with me. Thanks for chatting in your own way with me. I didn't have my cell phone with me today to snap a photo, but on our walk tomorrow, I'll try to remember. And then I'll post a photo here, okay? I love you, honey. So much. 

xoxoxo's and miracles, 
Love Momma